I’ve always been very hesitant to write blogs on singleness. But I’m going to be brave and might even write a series of them! Writing on singleness is a taboo thing to do. And if I do write about it, will I be lumped with in with all the desperate needy singles? If you’re not needy, but still have the desire to be married, not talking about it is the easiest thing to do. Why talk about something we want but can’t have, when it only serves as a reminder of it?
The problem is, it IS healthy to talk about it. We don’t need to dwell on it, but talking helps keep perspective and lends encouragement. If you’re single I hope this encourages you, if you’re not, maybe you gain perspective to encourage your single friends. Peek with me through this window?
You can desire to be married and not be ashamed of it, or come across as needy and desperate. For the longest time I didn’t realize this. The Lord has brought me through various seasons of singleness from being completely content to really wanting a partner in ministry, companionship and a family.
What do we do with those desires though?Most singles handle them one of two ways, they either bury those feelings and turn try to turn them off (I’ve been guilty of this) or they become so consumed by these desires that it controls and rules their life. They start to become the desperate single.
There has to be a middle ground somewhere! How do we live a healthy fulfilling life, while still having the desire to be married? We’re not supposed to stuff the feelings – God’s design is for family, but we’re not supposed to dwell on them either. Do they sorta just sit in our minds like a nagging itch? That doesn’t sound very exciting either!
I recently heard the phrase that has become an answer to those questions for me. It is: ‘ For today, I’m called to be single’. That blew my mind. Here is the balance. We don’t need to stuff the feelings or dwell on them, but we can learn to live with them. One day at a time. Some day, hopefully we will get married, but in the mean time, we are called to be single. But for now, He has a purpose, plan and timing just like He does for every other season. If your in the single season than you are called to it for now, for today. So get excited! He has called and wants to use me/ us NOW.
So the next time someone asks me “you seem like a nice person, why are you still single?” I’ll simply say, “For today, I’m called to be single.” Instead of what usually runs through my head along the sarcastic lines of – “because I eat small children! Why do you think I’m still single?”
Be careful too of comparing yourself to others. I fall into that trap at times. I’ve had quite a few very close friends get married, or engaged in the last two months. More of my close friends have someone than not. It’s so easy to start complaining and feeling lonely and left out. The Lord really convicted me of this; “But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.”2 Cor 10:12Wow. How often do I compare myself with my friends and wish for what they have? The Lord has me and (maybe you) on a different path. For today I am called to singleness and need to focus on that and be thankful for the opportunities He has given me.
I can deal with singleness if there is a purpose to it. God isn’t finished with you or me yet in this season if we are still single. He hasn’t given us this season to waste. How can we live intentionally to make the most of our single years? Yes, we will still get lonely at times but we will in marriage too. Marriage isn’t an end all either, but simply another season the Lord will have us walk through. There will be challenges there too. 🙂
Rick Warren says it best: “Longing for the ideal while criticizing the real is evidence of immaturity. On the other hand, settling for the real without striving for the ideal is complacency. Maturity is living with the Tension” – How are you living with the tension?