“I don’t deserve you…” It’s sadly a line that most of us have probably heard before. What we don’t realize is the depth of the pain, brokenness and belief that lends it’s self to the meaning behind that phrase. What are they really saying? In blog Part 1, IDDY was talked about in the light of manipulation, because in the world of relationships it’s a phrase that is heard or thought often. Granted, none of us deserve anything, it’s all because of Christ’s mercy and grace that we have what we have. I’m not talking about it that way.
I’m talking about the “I don’t deserve you…”(IDDY) that is said in all sincerity. The IDDY said because honestly believe we don’t deserve or aren’t worthy enough of the other person. We have all done things we are ashamed of, but in the light of something or some one “good” we cower back into our prisons of the past because of the fear that we really aren’t forgiven. Or maybe we fear they won’t see us as forgiven.
Last time I checked, the ground was level at the foot of the cross. The Lord redeemed us, so why do we act and live as though He did not? To the Lord all sin is sin – big or little, ugly or pretty, intentional or unintentional – it’s all still sin.
This maybe a little harsh, but what if IDDY is a sign of being a ‘Christian Atheist’? (Christian Atheist: When we believe in the Lord, but live as though He doesn’t exist.) We say we believe in the Lord’s forgiving power, but do we really? Can we say and act like we don’t deserve someone because of our past and yet still believe in the Lord’s power to forgive and heal?
2 Tim 3:5 says that in the last days there will be people “having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” I think Christians are the best example of this! We have the Lord’s power and forgiveness – they are right there at our fingertips – yet we continue to believe and live in the ‘comfort’ of our muck. We Christians have, in essence, become atheists; believing in the Lord’s grace and having a form of godliness but denying it’s power to make us worthy. Christ came to sanctify us!
“And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” 1Cor. 6:11
We have been washed, justified and sanctified – why are we thinking of ourselves (and allowing others think of themselves) as unworthy?!?
Sometimes IDDY sounds good. It sounds humble. But is it? Oswald Chambers has some insight into this:
“The way we continually talk about our own inabilities is an insult to our Creator. To complain over our incompetence is to accuse God falsely of having overlooked us. …how unbelievably inappropriate and disrespectful they [our words/perspectives] are to Him. We say things such as, “Oh, I shouldn’t claim to be sanctified; I’m not a saint.” But to say that before God means, “No, Lord, it is impossible for You to save and sanctify me; there are opportunities I have not had and so many imperfections in my brain and body; no, Lord, it isn’t possible.” That may sound wonderfully humble to others, but before God it is an attitude of defiance.”
Hebrews talks a lot about being careful to not accept the grace of God in vain, and crucify for ourselves again the Son of God. Is rejecting His grace, in a false sense of humility, doing that?
Only you, and only the person saying IDDY, can accept the redemption and sanctification the Lord offers. We can’t change perceptions of others (as discussed in Post 1). But we can point them back to the Lord and help them see that being truly humble means walking out in confidence the worthiness we gain from being in Christ.
C.S. Lewis says ‘humility is not thinking less of ourselves, it is thinking of ourselves less’.
I love to see humility as seeing yourself as God sees you. What a beautiful picture!
How do we do help people see this picture? – By first letting go of our own perfectionism and trying to do it on our own. Receive the grace yourself and then you can extend it to others. Immerse yourself in the Word. Pray for your friends. Love them enough to gently speak the truth into their lives. Accept and love them for who they are now, while challenging them (winsomely) to be all they can be. Your example of unconditional love, no matter how long they are on the road of struggling with accepting grace, will be the love of Christ to them – until they can see the love of Christ for themselves.
So – the next time you hear yourself or someone else say they DDY, please recognize it as the red flag it is! See past the curtain of brokenness into the light of His grace! Challenge yourself/them out of Christian Atheism to true humility!
And now on to post #3 – I don’t deserve you…. or are you really trying to say “You just deserve someone better than me”? Is this a cop out?