Not Unredeemed

… living the beautiful tension between what is, and what will be …

The Bookcase Fell on Me


Life is like a bookcase at times. It holds rows upon rows and shelves full of questions from every area of life. All neatly bound and categorized. Letters forming words engraved on the spine of each book tantalize my spirit and intrigue my brain. The very quest for knowledge delights my soul. Learning, no matter how painful, brings a sparkle to my eye and adds a spring to my step.
That is until the bookcase falls over on me.
A quest for knowledge and understanding in particular issue, lead to more questions, which lead to more questions. (As it usually does!) Taking one book off the shelf drives you to realize you need the previous one to get context, and maybe the companion guide to balance out the first opinion. And so it goes.
Neatly categorized, prepackaged bindings are deceptive. Nothing is isolated to one book. To one question. They all interconnect.
And then – horrors! Some questions can only be answered as the book is written! What, the wisdom is not yet complete?! I can only learn as the story unfolds? Whose bookcase is this anyways that houses unfinished stories? And what Author doesn’t complete a story all at once?
So I sit on my floor under my bookcase with the entire collection of books – all of life’s questions – burying me. Unable to shut off my brain, I’m unable to make the questions that only lead to other questions, to stop. Stop the books from leaping off the shelf and adding to my pile on the floor, as I ravish from one book to the next searching for answers that only lead me to more questions. I weep in the midst of what once brought me joy.
Soon unable to move from the floor, under the weight of the questions, I’m forced to pause because even if I wanted to I could not grab another book. My brain and spirit rebel.  The last book teeters and falls from the shelf and hits me off the head. 
And I remembered. Remembered why my teachers encouraged the pursuit of knowledge, but also cautioned us from time to time, to put some of the books back on the shelf. Closed until certain other books were written or completed. Sometimes we need more of the story before we can answer the questions. 
I realized I was the owner of the bookcase that held the unfinished books. Those uncompleted stories were me. Some of the other books had endings but not middles. This was ok too – they were being written as well and somehow my story fit into to middle of the bigger ultimate story in HIStory.
I realized too that He, the Lord, was the ultimate Teacher – the One writing my story. The answers to all my questions were coming. His very character portrayed through all of my books, told me that.
Bouncing off my thick head, the last book fell open before my eyes to Ecclesiastes

 “Not only was the Teacher wise, but he also imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs. The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true.
The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails—given by one shepherd. Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them.

   Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.

 Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,

for this is the duty of all mankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.” Ecc. 12:9-14

Shrugging the books off of me, joy slowly floods me heart. I gently and thoughtfully close each one and placed it back on the shelf to be taken down – one or two at a time – some other day. Today I need to answer only one question. What is the purpose of this all? The knowledge, and the questions, what are their purpose? The answer is found in the conclusion “Fear God and keep His commands.”

Author: notunredeemed

Jesus follower, people lover, truth scribbler. Addicted to pain (growth). Passionate about relationships, identity and the transforming power of Christ.

4 thoughts on “The Bookcase Fell on Me

  1. I'm not sure if this relates, but today I was thinking about how I watch a religious program and she talked about how to think positively. Then I read for morning worship how to surrender. Then I read a book explaining how to pray. By the end of the day I am thinking, "All this is too much to remember. I have so much to learn and work on. How is His "burden light" if I feel burdened?This is how I felt tonight and I wonder if I am taking everything too seriously and need to just rest in God. I think so.

  2. Wow that is such an amazing blog there Katie.. Belle I think that it can very easily get to be a lot to think about when we begin to ponder on issues such as prayer and God. His burden is light but that does not mean that we wont have to climb a hill sometimes. There is always more to think about and so much more to figure out, but God only reveals certain things to us at particular times because thats all that we can handle.Pondering on issues like prayer should drive you to know more and desire more of God as the relationship grows. The burdon of the world is that of sin and strife, we will always have to deal with some portions of that as long as we are here on earth because of our innate sin nature. I hope that kind of helps you.

  3. Pingback: the day the bookcase fell over on me | YLCF


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