I’ll admit it, I cried when I woke up on New Year’s Eve. I desperately wanted to be rid of the nightmare of 2012, but fear battled with grace in my heart for 2013. Hope leaked out of my heart as the tears streaked down my face. I want to be healed. To go into 2013 clean, whole, and healed. But here I was against my will dragging into 2013 my worst nightmare – MRSA.I woke Christmas day to the flu, resulting in compromised immune system that handed me one of the most sever outbreaks I’ve had yet (with a trip to a specialist this time). Most of the last week was spent in bed.
I made it to the party, determined to embrace the small things. I had made it to the party, was not in sweats, and was standing – big accomplishment for the week! As I stood against the wall watching the others dance, in my strength I could not fight the pain. I was robbed again. Me, the dancing queen unable to dance, a wallflower for the first time. My knee throbbed in pain mirroring the candace of my heart.
I learned an important lesson against that wall. Grace is something we have to choose at times. Grace is there offered in the faithful hands of our Savoir but to gain the strength from the grace we have to first walk in the grace. I began to pray for perspective and for each of my girls as they danced by. I chose to walk in grace by accepting the position against the wall. Fighting it only led to more pain.
As I prayed the Lord in his extravagant grace to me, sent a guy over from Bible study. I couldn’t say no to one dance. I just couldn’t. And besides – I was already in a lot of pain – grace meant beauty in the pain. And so I danced and enjoyed every twirl. We danced a 1940’s swing dance that had a lot of twirls and gentle steps – my face glowed from the dance yes, but also from the beautiful gift of grace in the pain.
Grace is a lot like swing dancing. In life I often force myself onto the dance floor in my own strength. Fighting and bucking against the pain I can’t control. And in my own strength the dance is rough and the steps hard. The Lord waits to turn the dark places of our life into light with His grace. In grace we glide through the dance. The pain is still there but the steps are cushioned by grace that is not just the steps, but the very rhythm of the dance.
I have been “robbed” (and maybe you have too?) but we were also given life that cannot be taken from us.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. (John 10:10)
Grace is the door to life abundantly. The more I am robbed, the more I experience grace and life, and the devil cannot steal them from me unless I let him.
I go forward into 2013 with weakness and pain, but also with confidence and joy because He is the same God who got me through every illness and trial of 2012 and 2013 is a chance to know Him in even more fullness. His love is abundant and I’ve felt it through so many of you! Thank you for your prayers and love. You are His hands and feet, He’s not done with me yet!
and – my lovely girls! How I love them! ❤
*Edited for clarity, please note – that the Lord does not rob us of things, the Devil tries to (and does). Jesus came not only to give us life, but He is life. Sometimes our expectations (stemming from pride ‘I deserve this’) can also make us feel robbed. This blog was part of a process of me working from a selfish perspective to one of grace and life.