Not Unredeemed

… living the beautiful tension between what is, and what will be …

Robbed

10 Comments

I’ll admit it, I cried when I woke up on New Year’s Eve. I desperately wanted to be rid of the nightmare of 2012, but fear battled with grace in my heart for 2013. Hope leaked out of my heart as the tears streaked down my face. I want to be IMG_5122healed. To go into 2013 clean, whole, and healed. But here I was against my will dragging into 2013 my worst nightmare – MRSA.I woke Christmas day to the flu, resulting in compromised immune system that handed me one of the most sever outbreaks I’ve had yet (with a trip to a specialist this time). Most of the last week was spent in bed.

‘Robbed’* was the word chased the memories of 2012. Bitter tears flowed as the scenes played by. Robbed of activities, strength, health, family and church time … and now – tonight was new years eve – the party I’d been helping to plan for months, and I didn’t even know if I could walk up the stairs to the venue.The Spirit began to whisper, to turn my darkness into light. Yes, I had been robbed of a lot of things, but what had I gained? Grace. To be honest I didn’t want grace right then. I didn’t want to think of what the Lord had done. I could only see the holes, the pain and the disappointment.
I made it to the party, determined to embrace the small things. I had made it to the party, was not in sweats, and was standing – big accomplishment for the week! As I stood against the wall watching the others dance, in my strength I could not fight the pain. I was robbed again. Me, the dancing queen unable to dance, a wallflower for the first time. My knee throbbed in pain mirroring the candace of my heart.

I learned an important lesson against that wall. Grace is something we have to choose at times.  Grace is there offered in the faithful hands of our Savoir but to gain the strength from the grace we have to first walk in the grace. I began to pray for perspective and for each of my girls as they danced by. I chose to walk in grace by accepting the position against the wall. Fighting it only led to more pain.

As I prayed the Lord in his extravagant grace to me, sent a guy over from Bible study. I couldn’t say no to one dance. I just couldn’t. And besides – I was already in a lot of pain  – grace meant beauty in the pain. And so I danced and enjoyed every twirl. We danced a 1940’s swing dance that had a lot of twirls and gentle steps – my face glowed from the dance yes, but also from the beautiful gift of grace in the pain.

Grace is a lot like swing dancing. In life I often force myself onto the dance floor in my own strength. Fighting and bucking against the pain I can’t control. And in my own strength the dance is rough and the steps hard. The Lord waits to turn the dark places of our life into light with His grace. In grace we glide through the dance. The pain is still there but the steps are cushioned by grace that is not just the steps, but the very rhythm of the dance.

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I have been “robbed” (and maybe you have too?) but we were also given life that cannot be taken from us.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. (John 10:10)

Grace is the door to life abundantly. The more I am robbed, the more I experience grace and life, and the devil cannot steal them from me unless I let him.

I go forward into 2013 with weakness and pain, but also with confidence and joy because He is the same God who got me through every illness and trial of 2012 and 2013 is a chance to know Him in even more fullness. His love is abundant and I’ve felt it through so many of you! Thank you for your prayers and love. You are His hands and feet, He’s not done with me yet!

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and – my lovely girls! How I love them! ❤

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*Edited for clarity, please note – that the Lord does not rob us of things, the Devil tries to (and does). Jesus came not only to give us life, but He is life. Sometimes our expectations (stemming from pride ‘I deserve this’) can also make us feel robbed. This blog was part of a process of me working from a selfish perspective to one of grace and life.

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Author: notunredeemed

Jesus follower, people lover, truth scribbler. Addicted to pain (growth). Passionate about relationships, identity and the transforming power of Christ.

10 thoughts on “Robbed

  1. Oh, Katie. This is so beautiful. xxooxx

  2. Love the metaphor of grace like swing dancing! Great pics too! 😀

  3. I always get so much out of your posts. Robbed is a good word to describe illness since it takes so many things away from us. And I love what you said about choosing grace. Thanks for all the encouragement you have given me.

  4. I am sorry for your illness although I don;t know what is MRSA.

    And I hope someday you will never feel that suffering is robbing you of something, as if what God brings needs to be what we want, and if He is not giving it, He is a robbing us somehow. I won’t get here into details about this, you can think about it in more depth. i know you said things nicely on this blog, but still …to feel that something that ultimately is from His hand robbs you of something shows pride, and taking for granted things and making God our servant in providing what WE want for our good (even healing or happiness).

    Also, about the dancing…you Christian americans are so strange: at FLI you screem so legalistically about homeschooling and the husband being the sole provider but..on the other hand, you have no problem with one man and one woman dancing 1 to 1 without being married? and you post even a photo of the 2 of you dancing?

    How much inconsistency and hypocrisy; you call the one biblical and against the culture, and dancing acceptable perhaps as biblical and cultural together (what are an unmarried Ch man and Ch woman to share in terms of physical and dance and intimate bodily clossesness?)

    • Lover of God, Thank you, the Lord is bringing me through the process of showing me what He is giving me through this illness. I’ve edited the blog for clarity – it can be a form of pride and God never robs us of things, though the Devil tries too. The Lord came to bring us life and wholeness (and for that I am SO thankful!)
      I’m sorry you say you have found hypocrisy and inconsistency here or that my blog has come across that way to you. I realize it’s hard that in a blog you only see one side of a person. And in the comments I only see one side of you. It’s hard for both of us to draw conclusions. I’m sorry I came across as a hypocrite – i’ve never tried to hide that i enjoy dancing or that I do it. I do not believe that all dancing is wrong and that some can be done in a clean way, but I also know that dancing can be a grey area for some Christians so I apologize for offending you.

  5. Thanks.

    I don’t understand how possibly you could consider taking public school or a job a bloack/white issue like it is a biblical mandate for all Christians to adopt homeschooling or the man the only provider – even in cultures where christians are extremely poor and couldn’t possibly afford that.

    But dancing, even clean dancing is a grey area and you are fine. Not matter how “clean”, in a dance there is still too much bodily closeness, touching and watching for an appropriate relationship of 2 people who are not married.

    The biblical principles that may address aducation of children and women employment are by far weaker than the ones related to dance, sezual temptation and inappropriate behavior between opposites sexes. Here is that I find the hypocrisy and inconsistency.

    • Thank you for explaining more of what you meant, and again I apologize if you have gotten the impression from my blog. Maybe it will help if I clarify as well. I currently work outside of the home and don’t believe it is wrong to do so. and while I was homeschooled as a child, I don’t believe it is a biblical mandate and have a lot of friends who send their children to public schools. I don’t have children yet, but when I do I will prayerfully consider both options.

  6. Awe Katie…what a beautiful post. I appreciate the raw honesty in sharing how you feel, but yet bringing it back to Christ.

  7. Pingback: Victory Belongs to the Lord | Not Unredeemed

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