Her beautiful wrinkled hands reached up and gently cupped the sides of my face “Katie, I just want you to be happy!” Bewildered, my brain scrambled trying to comprehend what it was I had to be sad about. I didn’t remember being upset at anything.
A slow smile spread across my face as I looked around the room and realized what my grandmother was referring to – I was alone. Alone in the sense that I had not brought someone home for the Family Thanksgiving dinner. My siblings were gathered in clumps around the room with their wives, boyfriends or “special friends”. Grammy wasn’t the first one this year to reference the fact that I was “alone”.
Chuckling now, I hugged her back tightly and said with emphasis, “Gram, I AM happy.” It was now her turn to look as bewildered as I had moments earlier. As I looked into her dear surprised face, and those of other family members who had come to offer their condolences of my single state or wishes that I could be happy with someone, I realized they all believed the same lie that I had believed for a long time. The subconscious lie that our identity is derived from our relationship status.
“Married”, “single”, “dating”, are words that describe our relational status for taxes and doctors offices. That’s it. Singleness may describe me, but it NEVER defines me. My happiness and security does not come from a man, but from my relationship with Jesus Christ, and the status of that relationship is the only one I need to worry about.
For years I subconsciously believed that a change in my relational status would make me happier. I thank God I was ‘alone’ for many more years than I deemed acceptable, so He could strip me of those lies, until my identity lay in nothing but Him.
The further I get into my mid, (and quickly approaching!) late twenties, I’m more and more surprised and blessed to be single in these years. But that wasn’t always the case. In my late teens, I was sure it was the biggest travesty to be an “older single”. This dread came largely from not knowing any older single women who did “singleness” well. They walked around with long faces bemoaning their state, doing little with their lives. To some extent I believed that singleness was a bit like a holding pattern in life akin to the punishment of purgatory. Laughable? Oh yes! In writing, lies are so easy to detect, unlike the actions and emotional thought patterns on a lonely or hormonal day.
To be honest I don’t really enjoy blogging on singleness for a myriad of reasons, but the Lord has been prompting me to write on it for sometime. I believe, it’s because through Jesus I have learned that living as a single in my older twenties is not purgatory in the least! In truth I can tell my grandma that I am happy because in His presence there is a fullness of Joy. I don’t want to wait till I’m married and then write on singleness and tell you all how easy it is. I want to write from the heart of it, and be a testimony to what the Lord can do with a little surrender. So stay tuned and feel free to suggest aspects of “Singleness” you would like to hear about.