Today my family went from being 130 miles away to 530. Popping home for quick weekend visit, or a younger siblings birthday or graduation party will no longer be an option. Tears well in my eyes as I drive out of state with three of my youngest siblings. We will reunite with the rest of the family, moving vans, and pets sometime tomorrow. Out of my twelve siblings, only two will live in the same state with me. Being the second Mom and very involved in everyone’s life, this move is heartbreaking and freeing at the same time.
I hate change ya’ll. Like a lot. Well, that is I used to hate change, now I just make a few faces at it and jump on the roller coaster. I may still squawk some, but you no longer have to forcibly drag me to the roller coaster of change and hold me down.
So what changed?
Flashback to August of 2013, a little over a year ago. Tears streamed down my face in the dark concert hall as I listen to Robin Mark sing about change. Why was I even crying? I knew the Lord was preparing me for something, but I didn’t know what. The Spirit sensed what my heart could not.
All my changes come from Him He who never changes, I’m held firm in the grasp of the Rock of all the ages, All is well with my soul, He is God in control, I know not all His plans, But I know I’m in His hands – Robin Mark, All Is Well
I needed to know I was in His hands to get through this past year. A few short weeks later I had a major job change and that began the process of the Lord stripping me of almost anything that I could put my security or identity in.
I went from being a full time youth leader for 6 years in the front lines of ministry to behind a desk as an administrative assistant.
Faced major health issues that forced a move from an apt and area I loved.
Went to Africa and there the Lord showed me that in my pursuit of loving others, I’d missed the first commandment – to love Him first. (Who goes on a missions trip to have the Lord show them He doesn’t desire their service?!?)
For a season did not lead any small groups, teach any classes or disciple anyone – the Lord removed anything I could possibly “do” for Him as a source of my identity.
Watched the man I had prayed and waited for, marry another.
Had three of my best friends move out of state, and two more get married.
And last but not least, had major turn over at work, with three close friends moving on.
Several months ago I mused with the Lord, that I was surprised that nothing had changed in my family, as that was one area that seemed to remain untouched. Shortly thereafter they accepted an offer on the house I grew up in. Within the next two months, my family will have moved and we will have two weddings. (One of which is this week! – Expect awesome pictures!!)
Not much as changed outwardly in my life over the last year, but inwardly I can identify with the author of Hebrews, as He says “anything that can be shaken, will be shaken.”
I love deeply and passionately and the downfall of that is that I fight the temptation to derive my identity from those I love, and how I love. My identity rests only in that which can’t be taken from me – the love of my Father, the pursuit of Jesus, the lover warrior, and the comfort and intimacy of the Holy Spirit.
The excruciating process of these changes has left me with a lifeline of truth. The Lord does not change. We may learn about different sides of His face, but He is the constant in the chaos. On the other side of the change He is there.
I’m starting to not just see change as something I will loose, but something I will gain. For because of stripping, I’ve come to know Him as the Pearl of great price. Worth anything I can sell, or give.
He clothes us now then strips us, Yet with His Word equips us, Whatever is His way all is well, And though our seasons change, We still exalt His name, Whatever is His way all is well. Robin Mark. Listen to the song here.
I know not His plans, but I know I am in His hands, and through this last change of the move, I’m looking forward to the more He has for me in it. The hint of the Spirit’s whisper is bringing delight and hope to my soul. All is well.
Today’s entry was more of an open journal – a peek into the life of Katie, post. Living fully alive, also means actively engaging with whatever season, circumstance, or situation you are in. Unsure of the vulnerability of this post or how to wrap up, I prayed for inspiration and wisdom. As I got online to upload this post and a friend had tagged me in a music video and said she wasn’t sure why, but she was thinking of me. The time stamp of the post was right around the time I was praying.
Friends, the Father knows and hears even our quiet whispered prayers. I am in awe of His love. Please listen to this song below (or watch here). It captures what I have only hinted at here. If you are facing unwanted or uncomfortable change dear one, know His love is big enough to sustain you.
When I taste His goodness, I shall not want. “Changes” is a part of the “Today’s The Day: Being Single and Fully Alive” a 31 Days Series. To read more from this series please click here.