I’ve honestly lost count of how many weddings I’ve been involved in! Cake, flowers, coordinating, serving/catering, bridesmaid – I even played piano once! (I’ve gotta be close to 27 Dresses!) In all of these weddings I’ve only had a date once. Once, ya’ll. And that date was a blast! But the other weddings were fun too. I’m not knocking that dates aren’t wonderful – they are. But going solo can also be wonderful. I’ve cried my fair share of tears over the years at going to yet another wedding alone, so I’m not here to condemn you friend, or tell you to buck up. Bring the tissues and I’ll cry with you.
My heart for this post is to offer you some hope and practical keys that have helped turn RSVPing to weddings from dread to joy for me.
Check. # in party? 1.
- Buy a new dress (or suit). Seriously. Going to a wedding in your old stand bys might be economical, but if you are able to- buy, thrift, or borrow a new outfit. Do something a little new to feel beautiful/handsome and boost your own confidence a little. Showing up at a wedding feeling drab, will only make you feel more gloomy. It is not a sin to feel good about yourself, and singleness is not a punishment! If you go feeling confident and on top of the world, your whole perspective will change.
- Look around for someone else who is alone. Maybe standing in the corner watching, or eating cake at the table alone. I love dancing with a passion, but it can get real painful, real quick, to watch the floor fill up with couples. Rather than moaning at the lack of single guys at weddings, or guys with the courage to ask girls to dance, I’ve taken to going over and asking another single gal to dance. I promise them I’ll be the cutest guy they will dance with all night. The joy on their face as I clumsily twirl them around brings me incredible joy. And in a flash we are having to much fun to think about being alone!
- Leave if you need too. Yep, there is this thing called grace friends. If we are having a hard time, give yourself the grace to leave. I wouldn’t advise that this become a habit, because there is joy to be found, but taking a walk during the slow dances, or bouquet toss is ok. 🙂 It’s also ok to cry. I give you permission!
- Find a way to serve. Busy hands create camaraderie, and a sense of belonging and joy in giving to others. As a wedding coordinator, I always need help – esp a clean up crew! Ask whomever is in charge what you can do, or offer to help the bride ahead of time.
- Keep a moldable heart before the Lord. He may want to change your perspective, or to comfort you. Either way, He will show you Himself. One of the perspective changes I needed to have was to realize that this day was not about me. It was about learning to ‘rejoice with those who rejoice’. Spend time in the word and with the Lord before you leave for the wedding.
- Use the flexibility of resources (time/money) that you have as a single to do or give something creative to the couple. Invest in them and the excitement will grow (Esp if your love language is gifts or acts of service.)
- Last but not least – ignore the grey hairs. Yep. The thing I hate the most about singleness? – Grey hairs. I always wanted to be a young bride but these days the silver wisdom of life is starting to streak through my long ebony hair. Trying to pluck them all out before a wedding is not a good idea. Ahheem I’ won’t say how I know this, but I’ll leave you to laugh at that mental picture. (It hurt!)
Solo does not mean less than. It means solo. It means you have been given an incredible opportunity to bless others, and in the process be blessed. I’ve been given incredible chances to minister and impact people for the Kingdom because I’ve gone to events solo. Chances I would not have had if I had a date. It’s worth it, if you make it worth it.
Being Single and Fully Alive today means that I do not wait to enjoy weddings. I’ve wanted to have a choreographed dance at my own wedding someday for years. And maybe I still will, but for now? Why not have a choreographed dance now? The time to live is today. So my real life example of # 6 was doing this dance at my sister’s wedding in lue of a toast. White Christmas fans, you will appreciate it. 🙂 (Email subscribers – view it here)
“7 Tips to Thriving Solo at Weddings“ is a part of the “Today’s The Day: Being Single and Fully Alive” a 31 Days Series. To read more from this series please click here.