Not Unredeemed

… living the beautiful tension between what is, and what will be …


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If We Heard Wrong – What Then?

Q.Katie, your words “prayer is the safest thing you can do with your emotions” leapt out at me. What if intimate prayer, seeking & hearing from God led to the most painful experience in your life because you misheard? How do you regain intimacy with Him when that intimacy almost cost your faith?” –T

A. T, Thank you for voicing a question many of us won’t even let ourselves think. And you aren’t just thinking it – you are living and facing it. I commend you for your courage.

You see, this question hits close to home for me. The Lord recently asked me to face my biggest fear – what if I’d heard Him wrong? I didn’t think I could go on – the thought of everything I put my trust in being wrong would completely destroy me. The thought alone would crush me – leaving me gasping. Then the fear became a very real reality I had to face.

So T, I’m not at all sure I have the answers for you, because I’m here too. But as a sister in Christ I can share with you part of my wrestling’s and journey towards peace.

It’s not wasted. One of the biggest lies Satan can speak to us through this is that all of our effort, our trust, our choices, everything we’ve built on and hoped for is wasted. But it’s not! Listen to what Paul says:

 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.15 All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained. (Phil 3:12-16)

When I read this passage two things struck me. 1). That God is faithful to make it clear to us when we are wrong. This doesn’t sound like a blessing at first – but it is a comfort that He loves us enough to make it clear when we are wrong. And He doesn’t let us remain in our mistakes. 2). Immediately following the promise that the Lord will not leave us when we make a mistake – is that we are commanded to live up to what we have attained (meaning – to gain). The things we learned along the journey are not mistakes even if the perceived destination is. What are the concepts – the truth we can glean from the journey? They are not wasted! Dear sister, do not loose the things you attained – but live up to them as you press forward towards the goal of Jesus Christ.

Promise or Promiser? What is our goal? According to this passage our ‘goal’ is Jesus Christ. SO much deeper than the promise is the Promiser.  In our pursuit, what we hear often takes the place and the focus of the one who speaks. When we don’t know what we’ve heard, go back to what we know – the things in His very character that aside from a lie from the devil we cannot misinterpret – His Faithfulness, and His love towards us. When we are at the place of knowing nothing – go back to the basics sureing up our foundation.

Time heals and reveals the purposes of God. I think our biggest mistake isn’t hearing the Lord wrong, but misinterpreting the purpose of what we’ve heard. <— Tweet this! (At least in my experience!) Even when we’ve heard right and others free will and sin (or our own!) gets in the way – the purposes of God still remain. Psalm 33:11 says “But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” Ask the Lord to reveal the purpose of it all to you.

Only time will reveal what was from the Lord and what was our mistake (or not). Several years ago I thought I followed the Lord’s leading into a relationship that caused me so much pain. My interpretation of it was marriage. God was after my heart (read more here ) and the birth of a ministry.

God will show us His heart and purposes. Don’t under estimate the Holy Spirit and a humble heart.

When our intimacy is lost with the Lord – remember it is two sided. Intimacy  (in –to-me-see) takes two people, and even when we are wrong the Lord is working on His side of it. He sees into our hearts and invites us to see back into His – to gaze on the Love that won’t let us go.

Just last week it hit me that “faith” is a gift of the Spirit (1 Cor 12:9). I can’t have faith on my own – but He can restore, redeem, build and strengthen my faith because He gives it to me (and you!).

So dear sister – don’t trust yourself or your emotions – but entrust them to Him. Even when the mistakes are on our end (He never makes mistakes – how comforting and how annoying!), it can still feel like in a way that the Lord wounded us.  Tozer says “ I highly doubt the Lord can use anyone He does not wound”. He is going to use this not only in your life, but in the life of others! Keep on keeping on!

Rebuild your relationship with the Lord like you would with anyone else – start with honesty. Share with Him the fear, the anger, the pain. (Journaling helps me a lot!) Look at David – the Psalms are filled with David pouring his grief out before the Lord. But the Lord never left David in that spot of despair and broken honesty – He won’t leave you there either! He is the same yesterday today and forever – He’ll do it for you too!


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Someday I’ll Dance with You

Someday I’ll dance with you.  But I’m not waiting for you. I’m taking lessons from the Master – you know Him too. He’s whirling me around, and teaching me the dips of life’s ups and downs. I wish you were here. I wish we could practice this dance together – but I will not wait for you.

Some days I’m tempted to sit on the sidelines and mope. But I would never wish that for you. I pray you are learning this dance as well, but I’m not waiting for you.
He beckons me to higher levels, to more complicated steps, the stretching intensifies, but so does the beauty and grace of the dance. He is a partner like no other. I cannot wait for you.Is this dance lonely? Yes, but only when I focus on waiting for you – instead of His face. His face I will seek. I’m not going to wait for you.

Someday I’ll dance with you – there is a time for everything, even a time to dance. But now my time, your time, is to learn that dance. And I will not wait for you now, but instead will learn the dance.  I will not wait for you, but I will watch over His shoulder for you. Because someday I will dance with you.

Dear friends, don’t wait for “someone” to dance with – the dance begins now. The Lord of the dance, now He is waiting for you.


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Saying “No” to a Date or Relationship

“I have known this guy for a few weeks and he says he is in love with me. But I don’t really want to be in a relationship right now. I have no idea what I am doing.  I just need some advice on how to turn him down gently.
-Laura”

I’ve hesitated to write on how to say no to a date or relationship for a long time. It’s one of those awkward topics to write on but one that everyone wants to read when they are facing the situation. As a single person, writing about how to say no is like shooting yourself in the foot – who wants to date a girl who writes about how to say no to a relationship? 🙂  I laugh at myself as I write this and thank the Lord for changing my heart and filling my insecurities. I am who I am by His grace and the rest doesn’t matter. Don’t ever let fear of what people will think stop you from ministering to others with the grace the Lord has given youContinue reading


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Signature of the Divine

“Sorry, I know I sound whimpy…”

“Haha, sorry, just got a little excited…”

“Sorry, I’m sorry that song makes me cry every time…”

“I’m sorry, I keep talking about him, he’s on my heart…”

Ever make excuses for the way you are? What you feel and how you look? Apologize for yourself to other people for doing nothing wrong? It’s like in your mind you aren’t reaching a standard – a standard that no one has actually set. If people were really sorry for the things they said, felt, or how behaved around other people they wouldn’t actually do those things. So they aren’t sorry necessarily, what they are really asking for is permission from the other person to act or feel a certain way. Acceptance.  A casual phrase you hear in everyday conversation stems from a much deeper context: we are afraid to be who we were made to be.

What “I’m sorry…” is really saying is “Wait! Let me pause the conversation, make an excuse for the way God created me, cause I don’t want to offend anyone by walking in confidence of the way He made me to be.” Perhaps confidence should offend, or more accurately challenge those around us? Who are the leaders among us? Who are the people making a difference?  They are the ones who are confident and unapologetic of who they are and what they stand for.  Continue reading


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I Took the Red Pill

You choose – the red pill or the blue pill?

  “You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” Morpheus – The Matrix

The thing with the red pill is that once you take it, there is no going back. But the choice is yours – it’s never forced on you.

Friends, I have a confession. Almost exactly a year ago I had the choice of whether or not to choose red pill.  Tonight I’m sitting on the lakefront near my home amazed at what this past year has brought and what it has taught me. Funny thing is, it all started here on this lakefront. Last July I sat here too, but in a different frame of mind. I sat begging the Lord for wisdom, guidance and direction for me life. I was confused, burdened, and overwhelmed. As I cried out to Him for wisdom and discernment I clearly heard Him say to me “ Katie, am I not Wisdom? Am I not Discernment? Seek Me!” And so the journey began. But then again maybe it didn’t, maybe it started long before I was born… You see for me, this journey, this choice, to take the red pill – it’s the journey of discovery, a journey of pursuing and being pursued by the Holy Spirit. 

Like the “red pill” and the wonderland rabbit hole from the Matrix, the Holy Spirit was a mystery I knew was out there, but in the end terrified me.  The journey of how I came to make the choice was a long one full of wrestling, logic, scriptures and questions. A friend of mine but put some of our discussions on his blog if you’re interested.  The more I sought the Lord, the more I wanted of Him.  Perhaps the journey is a story for another day – but in the end – I chose the red pill. I chose to surrender and let the Holy Spirit fully come into my life.

By this I mean, I asked Him to invade my life with the fullness of His presence (beyond what I got at Salvation, or a refilling, a Baptism of the Holy Spirit as some call it) giving Him permission to grow and use the gifts in my life. I was terrified to give Him control of that part of my life. My biggest fear was that I would turn into a charasmaniac. That I ‘d love the gifts more the giver of the gifts and abuse them like I’d seen others do. What if (horrors!) I started speaking in tongues? Up until this point I’d been able to control my Christianity. What if I could no longer control my emotions? What if I turned into one of THOSE people?

At this point, please note that the terms “baptism or re baptism of the Holy Spirit and being filled” all come with various connotations. In fact I dislike those terms immensely because of that. Whenever we “get saved” or come to the Lord we get a full measure of His Holy Spirit. We get, but we (or I!) don’t always use, tap into, or allow the Lord to work out that measure or the gifts that come with it, into our lives. For me it was the next step to go deeper with the Lord, to be come more serious about Him. That is why I had to choose to take the “red pill”.

When my desire for more of the Lord grew bigger than my fear of people, I surrendered.  At once my world changed. My walk with the Lord had always been steady, strong and beautiful but it was like I took off my sunglasses. Everything was brighter, sharper, and more beautiful – more of Him. The rabbit hole is longer than I imagined. Wonderland lacks words to describe. Scriptures come alive. I understand passages like “the love of Christ constrains me”, “I wrestle with the power that so wonderfully works in me” and “The Spirit is our guarantee” in the very core of who I am.

I could go on but that is not the point of this blog.  You see, I have wanted to blog on this for a while but, because the Baptism of the Holy Spirit is such a controversial issue, I haven’t. I was also scared of what all of you would think – that you’d think I was nuts! I’ve tried to just live this part of my life but I haven’t talked about it much.  Till I remembered that one of the very things I asked the Lord that day was that He would use me to be a balanced light. To live a powerful Spirit-filled life without crossing the line and abusing the gifts so many of us hear about all the time. That I would never be the stumbling block to others that people were to me.

So my friends, I have a confession to make – yes, Focus on the Family dramatically changed my life and I came home very different. But I also came home different because of what the Holy Spirit was doing in me, and the choice I made almost a year ago to take the red pill.

I can’t go back. There are days I wish I could, simply because with knowledge comes responsibility. Jill, in C. S. Lewis’ The Last Battle, describes the tension and the worth better than I ever could

“I almost wish–no I don’t, though,” said Jill. “What were you going to say?” “I was going to say I wished we’d never come. But I don’t, I don’t, I don’t. Even if we are killed, I’d rather be killed fighting for Narnia than grow old and stupid at home… and then die in the end just the same.”

I’d rather embrace this scary adventure than always wonder if there was more – the more I read about in scripture. He is Wisdom, He is Discernment and with more of Him came more responsibility – but more joy. And passion, and the desire to write for His glory.

Operating in or being baptized in the Holy Spirit (whatever term you want to use) doesn’t make anyone person any more holy than the next. In fact, I know a lot of people that use the gifts and never had an experience where they “choose” or they don’t even know they are using some of the gifts. But for me the path was a choice. A choice to allow the Holy Spirit to give and use through me any of the gifts He decided I should have.

Each of us have “red and blue pill” choices in our walk with the Lord. As unique as each of our walks with the Lord are, so will the choices be. But we all have them. The choices we make will detract from, or add to our walk with the Lord, choices to go deeper with Him, to live more dangerously. What’s your red pill choice?

For me, the red pill was choosing to allow the Holy Spirit to have His way in my life – it simply heightened the adventure. And so that my friends, is my confession.

Photo Compliments of Fotolia


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You Don’t Need a Fairy Godmother to Find Cinderella

 I’m so excited to feature a guest blog, (especially for my male readers) from a good friend Jeremy Holden. I am blessed to be able to bounce many ideas off of him and his wife Trina.
Why do we have so many mature, godly, eligible guys and girls who are still single?
I believe many Christian young people (and maybe even you) have been deceived and have fallen victim to one of Hollywood’s most pervasive lies. Now before you completely tune out, hear me out on this. I can hear you saying “I know Hollywood lies and I wouldn’t fall for it” but that’s the thing about being deceived, if you knew you were deceived – the lie didn’t work.
As a Christian, it’s easy to see that the “friends with benefits” and the “one night stand”  relationships we see depicted in the movies and on tv are wrong. I think the devil is using a better disguised and therefore more dangerous lie. The result of this lie is that we have almost an entire generation of young people who are not getting married and therefore not able to raise up the next godly generation.
So what’s the lie I think you’re believing? Continue reading


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Call It What It Is – When Friends Know too Much – Part 2

In my last post I talked about close guy/girl friendships and how I’ve come to believe that close cross-gender friendships ultimately don’t work.  So what should healthy guy/girl friendships look like?

First – Call it what it is.  Be honest with yourself. If you’re in a close friendship with someone of the opposite gender, do you desire for it to be more? Does he or she?  Do you tell everyone you’re like brother and sister?

Brothers and sisters don’t necessarily text, chat, talk or see each other every day. They don’t flirt (By the way – if you’re just “teasing or flirting” as friends – you’re in a very dangerous spot). Brothers and sisters rarely do things alone together (or at least not as a habit). Brothers and sisters are also never exclusive (most of the time there is always one cross-gender friendship that is ‘exclusive’ or deeper than the others). Jealousy with the interactions the other person has is never present in healthy sibling relationships.

If your relationship falls into one of these – call it what it is – you’re dating.  I encourage you to stop and think – even more so if you just tried to justify “oh that’s not me” to yourself after reading that last sentence. Continue reading