Not Unredeemed

… living the beautiful tension between what is, and what will be …

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It Feels Like Hope

To do list and to remember lists, room diagrams, run sheets, menu’s and staff team lists cluttered my phone, clipboard and brain. The only way I was going to take on the day and thrive in it was to sit and be quiet, to set it all aside for a few minutes. I snuck away to my favorite coffee shop. I thought about blogging for tonight but instead poured over Jeremiah 31 and 32.

One thought chased another as I looked out the coffee shop window at the early fall snow. Something about those verses and looking out the window got me thinking about hope as Sara Grove’s song lyrics reverberated through my heart and mind.

You do your work the best that you can
You put one foot in front of the other
Life comes in waves and makes it’s demands
You hold on as well as your able

You’ve been here for a long long time

Hope has a way of turning it’s face to you
Just when you least expect it
You walk in a room
You look out a window
And something there leaves you breathless
You say to yourself
It’s been a while since I felt this
But it feels like it might be hope

HopeSo instead of a blog today, you’re getting an excerpt from my journal as I pondered fall leaves, dead branches, hope. And how that hope connects with the way the Lord both scatters and gathers things in our lives as He did in Jeremiah with the people of Israel.

Before Hope can live, before it can be birthed, it must be conceived. Hope begins when things still look bare and barren, it’s starts in the grey before the light of dawn. Before any tangible reality comes into sight – hope breathes quietly first.

When it’s still dead and seemingly barren, when the snow is starting to fall, and spring is far off, hope. Look out the window and let the broken sticks leave you breathless, for the God who scatters also gathers. The Father who allows death also beckons life. Hope beckons life  instead of despair as it calls out:
“Keep your voice from weeping,
and your eyes from tears,
for there is a reward for your work,
declares the Lord, (Jeremiah 31:16)

The Lord who scatters, still values what was scattered or lost, and will once again gather. And this feels like it might be hope. (Jeremiah 31:10) 

“It feels like hope” is Day #19 of “In Deep” a 31 Days series

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Delight as a Child

The Soul is Healed by Being with Children.

Jesus tells us to come to Him as children, and I’m beginning to see that coming as a child also means coming with delight. Enjoying the simple pleasures of life. He gave us all things to enjoy.

Some of my favorite pictures from this week were of a little boy I nanny. We got down and dirty, and very messy, and had a blast.

When we come to the mess of life as a child we can find great delight and color in it’s nuances. 




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This quote from the Money Saving Mom, inspired me this week. So much of life is just showing up and being present. And it takes courage to face the things we don’t want to, and the areas we need healing in. At times it’s easier to not come to the Lord for healing or help because we don’t see how He could heal or help. We are limited by our own sight.

The Lord only asks two things of us though:

1. That we invite Him into the process, into our wounds, and the areas we would rather not deal with.

2. That we show up to the game.

Healing doesn’t rest on us. Yes, we need to choose it and show up for it, but the Lord is our Healer, our Cleanser, and our Provider. Not us. Hallelujah! It’s the Holy Spirit’s work that sets us free.

Is there something weighing on you today?

Have courage and take a moment to listen.

May you have a peaceful weekend, as you leave your healing and burdens before the One who came to set you free. Wait on Him. Healing will come.

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When I Offend You

A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle. Proverbs 18:19

Sometimes the incredible weight and influence that leaders carry in the lives of those who look up to them scares me. I’m not scared just as one who has been hurt by leadership, but it now scares me as one in leadership. The more I understand my own fallibility and weaknesses, the more grace I have for the past and present leadership in my life. But with that understanding also comes the knowledge that I may in turn hurt those who look up to me. I want to emphatically echo Paul ‘May it never be!’ 

In my prayers and hopes that I would never be the cause of others wounds and offenses, I cannot deny the fact that even innocently or unintentionally there still may be a time when I do offend someone I love or lead. 

Then He (Jesus) said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! Luke 17:1

 In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus even tells his disciples that offense and causing pain to others will happen.  

Lord, may they never come through me!  

But what if they do come through me? 

Then what?

This month I’ve been teaching on offense and being offended at the Discipleship House, and how to navigate the walls offense brings (Proverbs 18:19). Leaders are supposed to be the ones that help lead the people they influence to the Throne of Grace. Every Christian leader and pastor’s goal should be to point their people to Jesus.

But stuff happens. Leaders sin, and through their sin wound others. Or leaders are innocent of intentionally wronging, but are misunderstood. Any of these can lead to hurt, pain, and offense.

However, it doesn’t have to end there. With offense, pain, and disappointment, comes an unexpected treasure – the pain that drives us to Jesus alone. When others fail us, it leaves Jesus.

My prayer is to always point people to Jesus. But should I fail and hurt them – then by God’s grace let the offense become the thing that brings them to Jesus. What matters is that they get to the Throne. Jesus is healing, He is life, and I am not.

Oh friend, if a Failure 1





or teacher,

has failed you, and not been worthy of your trust – I am so sorry. But please, if their life or influence was supposed to lead you towards Jesus and be His example to you, and it wasn’t – then let their mistake lead you to Him. You can never loose before the Throne. Just get there. Please.


“When I Offend You” is Day # 16 of “In Deep” a 31 Days Series

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My Greatest Adventure (or What is Better Part #2)

greatest adventureI was starting to secretly hate walking through the sign section of Hobby Lobby reading all of the “all love stories are good, but ours is my favorite” and “You are my greatest Adventure” signs and frames. Ugg. I wanted that, to share a story with someone. Every time I’m faced with a big life change or something happens that really impacts who I am as a person I struggle with longing for someone to see it. To know me. I long to be known in the before and after, in the writing of the story. To share the heartache and the adventure with.

This summer as I walked another big life change alone, I began to contemplate this adventure thing again. I had always wished my husband someday would know me in the  season of life I just left because it was such a big part of the formation of my story. As the previous moves and seasons had been. With each move, each job change, new friendships and ministry, came with them unique adventures, and stories to tell and live. And here I was moving on again. It wasn’t that I didn’t have supportive family and friends, the longing was more for the intimacy of  sharing all of one story with one person. Being more fully known in all my parts and pieces.

As I began to think back through all my parts and pieces, the Holy Spirit showed me something about my story. He knew every bit of it. Oh course I “knew” that in theory, but for the first time my heart saw it all. He was the one who was there for every change, every move, every tear, every wall painted and every quiet moment when my heart sang. He held that deep intimacy for me. I was fully known. And He is my Greatest Adventure.

In DeepSomeday maybe a guy will join me in the adventure, and if that is the case, marriage will be an other adventure that the Lord and I will embark on together. This is the key – each relationship role we live out, each move, each chapter in our story, is the chance to walk through a different adventure with the Lord. He’s the foundation. This blog is part two of What’s Better?‘ where I answered one of the questions posed by the girls in the Discipleship House. Can we know the Lord better if we are single or if we are married? The answer to the question is yes. Yes we can always know Him more if you are single AND if you are married. His love for you and His invitation to know every bit of your story stands the same in every adventure, challenge and blessing you walk through. He is not just my greatest adventure, He can be yours too.


“My Greatest Adventure” is Day #15 of “In Deep” a 31 Days Series


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Our Whole Existence

Identity in Christ

Every Tuesday night at the Discipleship House we have an area pastor or community leader come and teach or speak to both the students and visitors. Tonight’s speaker was Dr. Matthew Pickering, a Wesleyan District Superintend. He spoke on our identity in Christ, and this is one of the concepts that resonated with me.

“Our Identity in Christ is not about some characteristics that we possess, it’s about our whole existence.”

Yesterday I promised a part 2 to the blog “What’s Better?“, and it’s still coming. But the Lord gives His beloved sleep, and this beloved needs sleep!

Audios till later!

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What’s Better?

Can you know Jesus more when you are single or married?

I sat in silence for a long time over that question. However I answered would take the conversation into so many different areas. We could argue over Paul’s writings and wether or not it was better to be single or married, we could dive into Jesus’s set apart life, or maybe the examples of marriage and Christ’s love of the church. None  of these addressed the heart of the question though – knowing Jesus.

It was a rare night in the Discipleship House, all five of the D House girls were  hanging out in the living room with me and none of the guys were around or home. Relationship questions abounded and stories were shared as the night grew late. 

I was familiar with the question she posed to me: Can you know Jesus more when you are single or married? I’d wrestled over it for years myself. In my mind I always thought that knowing Jesus better single or married was an either/or thing. One of them must be a better way to know Jesus than the other.

Questions like those below dug deeply into my soul:know Him more

If I never get married will Jesus be enough for me?”

If I  get married, I’ll get to experience more of the Lord’s love cause that’s an example of how Christ loves the Church, right?”

“But then if I do get married won’t that mean that I won’t be able to serve the Lord as well?

Perhaps it is not a matter of knowing the Lord better in “either/or”  (either single or married) but instead a matter of greater importance to know Him in “both/and” (both single and married). Asking questions and wrestling in our souls is a beautiful thing, but we are asking the wrong kind of questions. The question isn’t which season of life can I know the Lord better in, but how can I know Him in the season that I am in now?

Each story is beautiful, individual, song. The Lord will call to each of us to walk different seasons at different times, but the resounding bass in each call will be the same – to know Him. The melody will look different, but there will be a steady beat that does not change in your song. Him. 

A dear friend of mine married young and just celebrated her 10th anniversary. Her husband provided her with a safe home and a loving environment that freed her to begin to know the Lord’s love in a deeper way through her marriage. For me, the past decade of mostly going it alone has drawn me to the Lord’s love in a deeper way than anything I could have imagined.

Had I married young, I wonder if I would know the Lord in the way that I do now?  Would I have been too tempted to put my husband in the place in my heart the Lord should be? I don’t know. It’s not my story to know. Singleness has been one of the most refining fires in my life, but my married friends will say the same about their marriages. I’ve also tasted enough in a serious relationship or two to know that those relationships brought me to the throne just as much as my singleness did.

 In DeepIt’s so easy to get caught up in comparing apples to oranges that we miss the bigger picture: its all fruit. And it’s all about knowing Jesus. Whether you are single, married, divorced, widowed, engaged, a parent, or childless – through EVERY season, Jesus wants to be enough for you. Marriage and relationships have their struggles, their loneliness and their happiness too. And they are different, but Jesus isn’t an either/or. He is in BOTH singleness AND marriage.  I can’t tell you what’s better, but I can tell you that you are loved right where you are, and that He longs to know you and for you to know Him. And what I can also tell you is my story. Tomorrow. 🙂 Check back tomorrow for part 2.


“What’s Better” is Day #13 of “In Deep” a 31 Day’s Series